The Tamping Fuming Raging River | Florida February 2025: Day 4

Up bright and early…the Volcano is glistening in the sun and calling out to us like the ocean calls Moana…wait; wrong park!

First things first though…breakfast!!! We don’t eat it at home, but need something to kick start the day (we’d be down for the count by 10am otherwise). Kids were absolutely knackered last night and wouldn’t even awaken for the sweet sweet taste of Bayliners finest Mac & Cheese, so had worked up quite the appetite this morning. Gray and Jo stay in bed catching some Z’s; no, not a Zizzer-Zazzer Zuzz (little Dr Seuss humour for you there): they were being lazy buggers.

Digressing as usual; come on little Loo…let’s go forage the resort for a pancake breakfast…yes yes, no need to chant it down the corridor, we all know you like pancakes (well we do now anyways).

Starbucks; of course…pancakes for Alaska and a handful of pastries for the rest of us. Let us return…oooops, wrong room Alaska; “Dad, we need to find Mammy and Grayson, not a man with a beard”…agreed Alaska, sure that random guy didn’t much like us invading his room anyways, I had to leave him Mammys cinnamon roll as an apology.

Of course, Alaska’s not sharing, she is clearly going to destroy the adult pancake and sausage breakfast she’d worked up the appetite for in the long corridor walk; “Dad, I’ll hide it behind my back and pretend we haven’t got anything”. Ok, but how are you going to subtly eat 3 pancakes and a sausage then?

New plan…just flat out refuse to share; that’s my girl. Grayson watches, salivating, just praying for a miracle, praying that Alaska would give up and share. “Here you go”…wow, are you sure you can spare that speck of dust for him Alaska; you enjoy Grayson, surely you must be full by now. To be fair, he chose a doughnut for breakfast and quickly turned it down. “I don’t want anymore”…Grayson takes his chance and dives in quicker than the Cookie Monster could raid the jar…syrup everywhere, it was like a pancake massacre; great, just what I want, sticky bedsheets (ey…stop the innuendo; this is a kids show).

Following the Pancake Massacre on the 7th floor, the room erupts in toy fight; my money is on Puss in Boots. The kids manage to get their swim gear on between bouts and as wonder would have it, we are out the door early; Shock, Horror, Bewonderment.

Volcano Bay is today’s destination…bloody hate water parks, bloody love this place. The super secret Cabana Bay entrance is literally out the door, so 5 minutes later we are in the line to enter the park. Chainlink separates a handful of rowdy guests from the Volcano of dreams (I think I’m losing it) as a Jingle all the way style countdown begins; 2 minutes?!! You’re waiting for 2 minutes??!! (Anyone else a Fan of the classic Christmas caper??).

Gates open and we’re funnelled to the entrance…man this place is awesome; bloody hell kids, get out of the water feature!!! Yep, we are THOSE people, the ones that other families judge and wonder what went wrong…I do wish they stop splashing the people in the line mind; Grayson, bloody stop it!

Then…the big reveal…the Volcano in all its glory!!! Incredible, the kids are in total awe as Jordan bundles us all out of the way to win loungers at the front of the wave pool…”Got my seats bitches!!!”; bloody hell chill out Jo, not like this place is gonna be rammed on a random Thursday in February…well I don’t think at least.

Tapu Tapu is broken broken, so it’s good old fashioned queues and havoc all day…yay!! Thankfully it wasn’t too busy today, and most rides were a walk on. Well all apart from the Aqua Coaster…managed 3 turns before the line reached 20 minutes; nice. Grayson went from terrified to obsessed in 0.005 seconds, and insisted we return at some point (thank god we got the 3 park annual pass and only live 4500 miles away; we’ll return next week). Wait a minute…Jordan why are you here? There’s no front row on this coaster you can make us wait for…this ain’t your style. Come to think of it…who’s looking after all our stuff??!!

Ooooohhhh, good, you’ve just left our phone, cameras, rooms keys, and more importantly, our super duper Harry Potter crocs just lying on a bench somewhere? Hmmm, best go find a locker or something, I know the parks are pretty decent, but don’t really fancy losing everything I currently own with me. This may have caused a bit of an argument; the bags full of belongings were our seat guards for the day.

Not quite enjoying the feeling of fear and jeopardy at the thought of losing our stuff every time I enter the water, I opted to pick up some Premium seating for the low, low cost of $120. I know, I know…absolute bargain right? My toxic trait; once I’ve enquired on cost, I’m too embarrassed to walk away…between that and the kids already making themselves comfortable on the seating, I felt obliged and begrudgingly parted with $120 of pure merch money…mind you, if I limit Jordan’s doughnut intake, I should make the money back by tomorrow.

Ahh, we’re on vacation…let’s just relax in the sandy hell that is a man made beach…bloody hate sand; kids please stop rubbing you’re wet, sandy feet all over my seats mun!!!

Right, ass full of sand…thanks Grayson, it’s time to head for the Tamping Fuming Raging River…quality naming there Grayson; he’s got the copyright to it, so Universal had to name it ‘Fearless River’ (less of a ring to it I know, but Grayson just wouldn’t let the naming rights go). Mam and Gray get sucked off (ey…what did I say; this is a kids show!! Get your mind out of the gutter) into the torrent of the river as Alaska is denied entry on account of her having Jordan’s genes…poor short little Loo.

Me and Miss independent head for the more relaxing Winding River and take a relaxing ride through a more age appropriate torrent for Alaska…though she didn’t want to share a raft with me and made a break for it every time she saw a “fishy raft”.

Safe from the rivers of doom and relaxation, we had worked up appetites and headed back to base camp…Lunchtime!!! As part of the $120 premium seating, we had a special menu and waiter designated for us…Jordan wanted Mac & Cheese; this was not on the menu, great…this $120 is feeling well worth it. Mobile order from a village a mile or so away, few pizzas, and Jerk Shrimp Mac & Cheese. To be fair; bloody lovely…glad I’d Moana’d my way across the waters to get it (had to fight a giant jewel encrusted crab and everything). Cocktails at the beach??…oh yes, quick chuck the flag up…call our guy. Hmmm, watered down rum cocktails…nice and refreshing; oh and there are souvenir cups too…love a bit of merch.

The drums beat…the masses align and the waves begin…like some cult, everyone gathers in the water and begin chanting; “VOL VOL VOL VOL”. Madness ensues, a human sacrifice is brought out as the Volcano signals absolute carnage and a torrent of water rushes through the main pool. Alaska and Grayson form a human raft and use me as anchor point as we attempt survival from the Volcano gods.

Luck shone on us today…not the poor woman chosen as the days appeasement though; bad times.

High on survival, we drop Jordan and Alaska back at the most expensive seating in the world, whilst me and Gray head for the Tubes slides of the Taniwha Tubes and Honu Ika Moana rafts. Bloody brilliant, lots of fun…even if we were terrified we’d end up flying over the edge of the open air tubes. Quick dip in the Fearless River to be torn through the raging torrents and avoid Grayson trying to drown me once more before heading to catch up with Jordan topping up her sun burn…tan Dean, you mean tan. No I don’t, she’d managed a nice little shade of lobster red…very nice, that’s gonna be fun in the morning.

Bloody suncream, may as well have used ice cream; water resistance level of a tissue paper. Poor Alaska had started to turn slightly pink, so we treated her to a new rash vest, which mammy was “sooooo jealous” of. Luckily caught it just in time…Jordan, you can deal with it!!

Come on then, off to Runamukka Reef (the kids area) to cause carnage and compete in the Fletcher 2025 slide races. There was some controversy in the betting as Alaska wins the race and Grayson claims cheat. Official adjudicators determine Grayson to be a sore loser; Alaska is the winner, the bookies are left to deal with the fallout of the underdog pulling out the victory…well done Alaska. Grayson is still protesting mind. Kids area is awesome…lots to do, lots of slides for the kids (they were collecting slide rides like Pokemon); bugger all for anyone over 54” to enjoy though.

An hour later I managed to convince them to leave for a walk through the Volcano…Universal really have their in cave ambience worked out; brilliant. Oh, this place is also HUGE!!!  Grayson bursts into cramp and feigns injury in an attempt to carry him home…not buying it kid, my back is buggered and you have sand everywhere, can you carry me instead please?

Limping home, we once again drop Alaska off to a by now redder than…insert reddest thing you can thing of, Jordan. Ooo, tan is looking great love…look after Alaska, me and Gray are gonna quickly hit up some more raft slides.

Sadly we were not fat enough for the rafts on our own…and there was me thinking I’d been eating more than humanly possible. We commandeer a vessel of a lovely couple just wanting a romantic raft ride…sorry mate, I have long legs, and minging feet; I’m really sorry.

Following the poor guys torment, we head for one last attempted drowning in the Fearless River as Grayson boards the ‘Human Jetski’. Surviving income despite Grayson’s best efforts, we collect the Lobster and Alaska and head back for a shower and quick change.

“Oh no, I’ve burned my cheeks…I’m gonna eat Grayson’s doughnut”…the perfect aftersun for Alaska apparently. You enjoy babes, me and Gray are going on a mission…another nighttime ride on Hagrids. Lightening fast trip to the parks, and I make the ultimate Dad sacrifice…I let Grayson ride the motorbike; I know, give me the award for Father of the Year right now. Poor bugger don’t like it though, he’s a little too short and meant he hit his head a bit on it…aww no, I’ll just have to ride it next time; stop smiling Dean.

Meet up for a meal in The Cowfish for dinner…delicious, just expensive; mind you, still worked out cheaper than the $120 I paid in Volcano Bay just to sit down. Don’t think about it too much Dean, just don’t think about it…vacation money isn’t real money anyways.

Then it was the race against sleep for Midnight Milkshakes. I’d been promising Grayson one since we arrived and we keep missing our chance…today was the day. Grayson was locked in a battle for the ages as sleep crept in and he fought like a warrior to avoid succumbing. He made it, we ordered…he fell asleep…just before the milkshake arrived. Damn, he put up a good fight, but he can have it for breakfast; Banana Milkshake…breakfast of champions!!

Awesome day today…only a few days left, we’re back to the parks tomorrow!!!