An EPIC room with a view. Florida September 2025. Day 9

Can’t wake up…alarm snoozed more than Jo on a work day…HHN has done me in, or more accurately…the kids at HHN has done me in. I had to cart 2 knackered messes of kids back along the garden walk to Cabana Bay…sweating more than Jo’s top lip on a mildly warm day, and chasing it with a milkshake; probably not the best way to end the night. Bed at 1am…up at 6am; this trip will kill me off…

Starting off with a morning trip to Walmart to replenish the breakfast goodies and pick up an external hard drive (my vlogs have finally maxed out my laptop storage, you know there’s some good stuff to come…well, that’s debatable). Double stuff Oreo’s? Aww hell no…MEGA STUFF OREOS!!! Get in my basket (well…if they had baskets; apparently you’re not allowed to do a small shop in Walmart…baskets don’t exist). Good acquired…and of course some Red Bull for Jordan; she’s beginning to show symptoms of withdrawal and spent the last few days shivering like an addict on a come down; drink up love, you’ll be right as rain in no time. Am I an enabler now?

Right…back to the room, Alaska still flat out…lazy bugger. Come on, get up, get dressed…it’s time to Hotel hop.

We’re back at Epic for the next two days (yes probably an excessive amount of days since half the rides are prone to a midday breakdown (something we share in common), but we’re staying overnight at The Helios Grand Hotel, and living like kings for the next 24 hours. Starting with the grand escort from the Volcano Bay security team; this must be for Helios guests right? One of the team walk in front throwing rose petals whilst the other brings uk the rear…”Helios guests, Helios guests…avert your eyes, you are not worthy!!”. Wow, what an entrance to the bus route.

In reality, our cunning plan to catch a bus from the Volcano Bay bus stop almost backfired as Jo packed her glass bottled de-aging potions (I know, I know…she doesn’t need them right? But just imagine what she’d look like without them…). “Dead men walking on the Green Mile”…holy hell…this isn’t the escort I was hoping for. Note: never try take glass to Volcano Bay…there’s far too high a chance of a bar brawl, and they don’t want any glass shanks. Guns and knives are cool though…’MERICA!!!

Spared death, we are allowed passage to The Helios, we just have to wait in blazing sun for a bit as punishment for attempting to smuggle glass into the bay. “HEY…ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING!!!”. Yes Me Bus Driver…put them in their place; god knows they don’t listen to us.

Ok the bus and the kids resume normal service. Arguments, fights and parkour…well, well, well…this is new. JUST SIT DOWN!!!

“We’re here…”; WOW…The Grand Helios…home for the night (what? You think I’m made of money??). Insane scale and grandeur; accompanied by an amazing lobby smell (yep…it’s the little things). Holy hell…the view of Epic, giant windows and a terrace to preside over all the universe. Amazing!!!

Check in, bags dropped…it’s park time!!

Helios is literally on the parks doorstep and has a super special park entrance…off we go, no morning bus fights for us; well not today or tomorrow anyways. Security; oh no…she’s off again. Day 9 tire rage is back as we process our bags through the security checkpoint…just not to Alaska liking. This was a fun little start to the morning; continually picking different bags to reprocess until she was content. Literally the world’s worst game…but we won; the prize? a mildly less annoyed Alaska. MAAAADDDD!!

The entrance way gives some stunning park views and a real look at the grandeur of the hotel, with a flaming archer defending the people of the Helios (maybe this is Helios? Maybe I should have read into it more…).

Planning a relaxing park day today, no rushing, and just taking it at our own pace. Luckily…Mondays are turning out to be absolutely mental…as you’ll soon hear.

Wizarding World then? Let’s try our luck at making an appearance for Umbridges execution…no Alaska it’s just her trial; “…and then we kill her?”…no babes, sorry. Aww no, sorry BOTM, not right now; as much as I like you (as a friend), I’m not waiting 3 hours…

Grayson put that time turner away; not even that can save us now…

Isle of Berk then…not explored this without hammering down rain…bet it looks great in the sun. Holy hell…this place is incredible, and absolutely HUGE!! Best get carb loading, we’re gonna need the energy. Grog and Gruel for the viral PB&J Mac and Cheese cones. In retrospect I should have remembered we were travelling with the Queen of cheese and got more than one. 2 bites…2 bites was all I was allowed before Gray and Alaska channelled the power of Super Nintendo World and ‘Kirby’d the bulk of the cone; take the scraps Jordan…we ain’t getting much else. From what I could tell..this was bloody delicious, and got the greedy git seal of approval from both kids. Michelin stars? Who needs them when you get a thumbs up from Grayson…

Sooo…maybe Monday wasn’t the best day to come without express…no rides are under an hour…not even Fyre Drill…and that was 10 minutes last time we were here. Mind you, it was hammering down then, and today feels like Stardust Racers has blasted us all to the surface of the sun; I guess we should have expected the only water ride to be busy…

Untrainable Dragon then? Missed it last week on account of Alaskas weak bladder…just in time today…to wait in the wrong line. Bloody hell, Jordan erupts in a fit of rage as our half hour wait on the wrong side incites fights and violence between commoners and the express pass gentry. Murder in the streets and mass blood shed. Berkers (I think that’s what residents of Berk are called) aboard Dragons appear to subside the violence, and Jordan is taken in for questioning. She had a point to be fair, but I really wanted to see the show so I kept quiet.

Allowed on out on bail, Jordan catches up and we witness the single greatest show in theme park history…The Untrainable Dragon. Spoiler; Hiccup saves the day and there is a breathtaking moment when Toothless flys over the audience. How the got a real life dragon flying over the audience past health and safety I’ll never know; won’t see that in the UK…with their silly health and safety laws. Take a risk damn it!!!

Inciting riots had worked up an appetite for Jordan, so we did the smart thing and mobile ordered from Spit Fire Grill. Note…it’s only the smart thing if waiting in line is your favourite thing to do on vacation. Feeling almost punished for daring to not speak to someone in person to order, Jordan eventually is allowed to dine with the Hooligans. I mean I’m not saying the wait was crazy, but me and the kids rode Battle of the Ministry Twice before she’d got her food.

Oh, and in the meantime, the kids had also managed to adopt a few Dragons, pledge an adoption oath and hatch their babies… Whitey and Rex; Whitey??!! Really Alaska??

Confident with Whitey (you’ve got to change that name Alaska) by her side, Alaska is chosen to help train dragons, yep real life Dragons. She give Hiccup a run for his money, training a mini Night Fury. Damn she’s cute…and quite vicious; well, a lot vicious, but mostly cute. Dragon trained (well done babes), it’s time to help Tuffnutt and Ruffnutt train the village to fight fires…

Iiiiiiiiittttttssss Fyre Drill time. ‘You may get wet’…yeah right, you’ll definitely get soaked!!! Especially when you get a round of friendly fire. Mate we’re both in Ruffnutts team (or is it Tuffnutt? No idea…), stop bloody soaking me, I wore my super absorbable shorts today for some reason; I’ll be squelching and chafing for the rest of the day. Cheers for that mate…yeah yeah, smile and wave…ALASKA…GET HIM!!!!

“I want to meet him!!!”. Poor Goober gets the Alaska meet and greet treatment and has a wonderful conversation about the Welsh Dragon she smuggled in to Berk. You think a Night Fury is the Alpha? You’ve clearly never been to a Welsh rugby game. Goober was great, gave the kids a lot of time and was great to meet…who needs Hiccup and Toothless ey? We certainly weren’t waiting 2.5 hours to meet them.

Absolutely besotted with Berk, Alaska was determined to ride the ‘Toothless ride’…yeah, it is pretty boss to be fair, but the 85 minute wait had Jordan in boarderline tears. Well it’s that or Dragon Racers Rally. We split up, I try fly in circles and flip my Dragon with Gray (failed…I’m so disappointed in myself), all while Jordan and Alaska are waiting. Then I console myself with a ride across the cosmos with the superior racers (while Gray catches ants for some reason???), all while…Jordan and Alaska are waiting…

Hiccup, you have a great ride, but damn does it take a long time to get to it…

Finally catch up with the Dragon trainers, desperate for hydration…Jordan sweaty top lip now a powder of salt…”Loser Juice…give me…Loser Juice”. Diet Coke to the layman…here you go love. We regroup, swap war stories of training dragons and racing across the cosmos, and get an email; our room is ready.

Great, I’ll sort that…you take the kids to the Splash park. In honesty I just needed 5 minutes peace away from the surface of the sun. Ahhh the Helios….new key cards (I haven’t told Grayson he’s lost out on his Super Mario card yet), and away I go. Room 332…umm, room 332? Why you no work for me? I try and try and try in vain before returning to the from desk.

Ooops, yeah pretty difficult to get in the room when they tell you the wrong room number. Bloody hell, imagine the scenes…some poor couple open their door to some bloke with a camera trying to enter their room. On the other hand…

Finally in the correct room…thank god this one was correct, I couldn’t take another game of ‘knock knock don’t run away because the reception desk has misinformed you’…that would have been very awkward. Wow…this room is insane. Gorgeous, amazing views…and an iPad to control the rooms. What is this witchcraft??!! Be Gray can’t wait to break it trying to watch YouTube vids this evening. Please don’t Gray…they’re holding $200 of mine….and don’t even think about touching the $8 water bottles. Hmmm, maybe I should hide them.

5 minutes peace…and it’s back to havoc. Return and catch up to a pair of absolutely soaking kids following their dance through the water fountain. Right, great…don’t bloody touch me. Hungry guys? Will question…they’re always hungry.

Dark Universe, and straight to Das Stakehaus. Insane…thrust into the lair of the Vampires and served by their familiars…this place was insane, and Alaska was feeling right at home…little creepy Vampire child as she is. Amazing scenery, delicious food and just a really fun immersive atmosphere. Did I need to keep the wooden skewers as souvenirs? Of course, why would you think otherwise?? Oh, and even got the mocktail with a souvenir glass…shiny, shimmery, glowing green deliciousness just begging for a selfie…no not Frankenstein…the drink. brilliant.

Exit just in time to catch the Bride of Frankenstein and his Monster. Poor Alaska, being of Vampire heritage naturally hates Frankenstein and erupts into fits of fear, leaving me and Gray to interact with them. This meet and greet was fantastic, with Grayson teaching a 3 year old Monster how to high 5…”Dad, Dad…he’s only 3, I taught him that!!”. Yeah boiiiii, now if you could just control the monster that’s your sister, that would be grand.

15 minutes for Monsters Unchained is the biggest insult in all of Epic. Why do people not give the monsters the love they deserve. No question…best ride here, and this evening, every animatronic was working…10/10…incredible…and even better without captain spoiler to talk me through it.

Curse of the Werewolf then? Of course…Alaska demands it. It’s her favourite ride in the park. “I want to ride that and sleep on it all night”. Ummm, not sure that would be comfortable mind babes, but glad you like it…it’s bloody brilliant to be fair. Only 45 minutes wait…well, too long for poo pants Grayson, as his chicken skewers meet critical evacuation point. Jordan managed to find the super secret werewolf toilets, and is back just in time…Gray, are you a werewolf? Could hear you howling out that poo from the load station.

Wander from the camp of mystics, in to the Burning Blade tavern…Alaskas local. All the monster hunters give an Alaska a wide berth as Monster heads line the bare area. ‘Beware the kid…she’s not as sweet as she seems…’. Yes she is, but I wouldn’t cross her…you’ll end up on the wall…

Beers, Cocktails, burning windmills…all in a good evening in Dark Universe. Bloody love this place.

Jordan drunk after a few sips of cocktail and now looking pretty at home in the Monster Universe, we manage to drag her out before Alaskas monster hunter mates add another head to the wall.

We’d planned to watch the fountain show from our hotel room, but Gray and Alaska had other ideas. Pitch up on the grass around the fountain and wait for the pretty good show…well, as good as a show with lights and water can be. Great fun, and a great end to the evening.

Short walk back to the hotel (all of 100m), admire the park views…take a million selfies and just stare in awe at the park at night (and the fact an iPad controls everything in the room; to some (Grayson), more impressive than the view). Settled down, curtains open, nighty night Epic…see you tomorrow.

Another brilliant day!!!