Why are we always late??!! Florida September 2025: Home Time

Oh no…why?!! The day I have been dreading for 2 weeks has finally arrived. How can I return to normal life? How can I go back to work after living a life of fun, family time (despite the really testing days…), and most importantly…Halloween Horror Nights??!! I really need to make this vlogging thing take off…well that or I try and find an actual job that will accept me as a resident? Nah…definitely the YouTube thing…

Incase you hadn’t guessed (I mean…if you haven’t, then there really is no hope for you), it’s time to bid farewell to Cabana Bay, Universal Orlando, and Florida…for a whole year??!! I have no idea how I’m going to cope. Back to the land of cold and misery, and a broken down transit van still sitting on Mags driveway; oh yeah…that’s a thing I got to deal with now too. Fortunately, Paulos has been working away in the background and mustered up a little plan of attack…

Well this is a long intro, just to basically say. We’re travelling home, we’re very sad, and I really just want to live like a kid and ride rollercoasters all day in the sun with no real life issues to deal with. That’s not a high ask right?

Speaking of real life issues…it’s time to play a game of…Luggage Tetris; Contestant number 1…come on down!! It’s me…I’m contestant 1…

This should be fun. Just about managed to fit 4 cases, a Stroller and 4 people into the Jeep a few weeks ago. Our luggage had magically bred, and we now have 2 additional stowaways…hmm, I may have to leave the kids behind. Actually…no, they’d have too much fun. Jo…you drive, kids…you go with Mam, Dean…you stay here. Yeah I like that plan. Jordan, not so much.

Ok…no idea how I managed to do this, but that Tetris championship I won one year on holiday in Jersey came in really handy, and coupled with the 3 days I’d spent at Super Nintendo World…well…

Half hour later, I was beaming with pride staring at a boarderline dangerously overpacked car; hmmm…maybe I should have spent the extra couple of hundred quid on a bigger car…the trip to the airport will be fun. Well, not for me…I drive in comfort; the kids may suffer a bit though. Ahhh the sweet scent of success. Nope…that’s coffee Dean; Ooooo yes…time for a celebration drink I think; any chance you can ‘Irish’ it up a bit for me? I’m celebrating…fine, just a regular pecan oat milk latte then.

Back to the room to see the gang in floods of tears, Grayson was inconsolable at the thought of poor Steve spending 8 hours in the luggage hold (he is his emotional support animal after all…). Wow, poor Jeff is going to feel second best to an inanimate object; mind you…Grayson has be pining for his Leopard Printed Pug Prince for the last few days…”I can’t wait for Jeff to meet Steve”…hmm, ok…

Final room check…anything left behind? Ahhh only Alaska…that’s ok then. Joking my princess (damn almost got away with it…), come on.

We have a night flight…so that means; squeezing every last second out of the day; starting…NOW!!

Drop remaining luggage off at reception, and make our way to City Walk for the last time this trip. Bloody hell…haven’t done this for a while; it’s been almost a week between Epic and Disney days, we’ve been neglecting OG Universal, and as such…our lizard count has become stagnant. Let’s put that right…we’re so close to a perfect game. 297, 298, 299…Lizard 300!!! Yay!!! The crowd goes wild as Grayson says a few words and I rush off to interview number 300. Sir…can I please have a few words to mark this milestone? To my shock, the Lizard had a cockney accent, and was from Yorkshire; travelling to the US for a chance at a better life in sunny Orlando. Jealous of a Lizard, I bid farewell and move on. I wish I could say this was all fiction and embellished truth, but…

City Walk brings the first great discussion; what is one thing at the parks we all want to do? Shocked no one said ‘breakfast at Voodoo’ to be fair…I mean; I wasted my go on ET for some reason (Grayson called no take backs so I was stuck…spoiler; I never got to ride it anyways). Alaska; Cat in the Hat (great choice), Jordan; Velocicoaster (not bad, but not quite Cat in the Hat), Grayson; River Adventure (cool…just what I want before an 8 hour flight…the feeling of pissing myself wearing denim shorts).

First stop though; the candy shop. Grayson breaks out a rap and beatbox, playing us in to the Islands of Adventure store. Fortunately, there was no innuendo in “I’m gonna stick my fudge log down your throat”…bloody hell, calm down 50 pence. This may or may not have happened (I can’t quite remember and I’m tired; it does sound like something Gray would do though).

Right, enough of that…no Universal; don’t offer him a recording contract…it’s only encouraging him. First stop…Seuss Landing and the Cat in the Hat. Only a 5 minute wait? Sacrilege!!! A pair of things playing absolute havoc and destroying a house? Feels just like home…is it bad that this looks nicer than my home? I just want to stay at Universal!!!

Velocicoaster next, and the curse of Jordan strikes again. I mean it could be a lot worse than just a ride breakdown; but issues are relevant right? And right now…Velocicoaster is eating into a lot of ET time; and you just know Jordan will need to ride front row…

Brilliant ride as always…poor Grayson still not quite tall enough despite borrowing Jordan’s platforms at height check; damn…another round of Camp Jurassic in the family room awaits you sorry babes…maybe next year.

Jo departs for the front row, loses Alaskas prized Super Nintendo Cooling towel, Alaska breaks into rage, and we head for food. I’ll buy you a new one babes…not like you’ll need it back home, but…why not. For now though…bloody starving, I may joining Alaska in her rage. Thunder Falls Terrace…with the carnivals (come on…you know what I mean by now). This could be a mistake…I’d completely forgotten the terrace aspect of this came paired with a Splash Zone. Kids, don’t go…oh, too late. Bloody hell, they are drenched. You best hope you dry off from this flight…fools; oh…and again. Just come eat your food.

Really filling meal…Chicken, Ribs and Nachos. You’d think they’d be straight in the nachos, but nooo…picking the bloody bones clean. I’ve seen animals at the zoo leave more scraps behind. All together now…little Carnivals!!

River Adventure time I guess; time for me to join the ranks of the idiots. No Grayson don’t request the front row, I cannot get soaked, not gonna happen!!!

Soo…we rode front row; damn it kid!!! Absolutely soaked, luckily just the top half…just enough to make the boys jealous (yes I have gained weight, yes I have moobs again).

Park hop to Universal just in time to get stuck in the parade route, and watch Alaska and Grayson frantically join the ranks of the Minions. Still a great parade mind, awesome floats and great fun.

Cut off from getting to ET, we are curtailed at the Horror Makeup Show. Never changes, same sets, same gags, but the presenters were absolutely hilarious and worked the crowd really well. Absolutely brilliant, and literally had me laughing out loud, even if Grayson and Alaska spent the performance shitting it, thinking they were doomed to return for another round of Halloween Horror Nights. We may have traumatised them…NAH!!

Leaving the show, we head to ET…right? No, this isn’t fair…let’s go to ET!!

MUTINY!!! Jo and the kids collectively refuse to help glow fingers return to the Green Planet on account of “being fed up of his shit”…cheers for that Grayson. Well that and the 45 minute wait. To be fair, we are pushing it for time, and if we fall out with ET and end up getting stuck, then we’ll have to borrow the flying bicycles to get home.

Instead…we opt for (ahem…I’m forced to ride…) the Troll-o-lol-o-coaster. Yeah I didn’t think that was the official name for it either…but lo and behold; Grayson assures me it is. Who am Into argue…or read the sign? “Was that it? Why it so short??!!”…oh no, they have angered Alaska. I don’t know babes…something to do with it being a kids coaster and not wanting to invest in anything more than a coat of paint on Woody Woodpeckers Nuthouse Coaster. After all…the adults have the money, the kids have to deal with it (finally something Universal and Disney can agree on).

This vacation has been hard, pushing Grayson around in a stroller…but we have a plan…scare him into walking. Using just the right mix of fear factor and cunning, Grayson learns that once you hit 7, your chances of a stroller related DVT rise exponentially, so he’s best off walking…genius ey? Well…it kinda worked…until he told Alaska, now both of them travel on board the stroller flinging their legs periodically to stop stroller DVT…I think this may have backfired.

Bloody hell it’s 4pm, we really need to leave…sure; after another round at Villain Con. should have left it on a high…didn’t make the score board, didn’t make the Vicious 6, and definitely didn’t leave with the Piranha gun Grayson had been nagging for all holiday. No Grayson…bullets are fine, lasers are fine…Piranha; you’re a sick son of a bitch!!

Holy hell…is that the time? We need to go!!! Yes yes ok, a quick stop in the shops…why not? Oh yeah…the rush to the airport. So…we visit the shops, pick up a new cooling towel (I hear it’s boiling back home…🙄) and leg it pretty swiftly back to the hotel. Lucky we did, reception was teaming with happy holiday goers ready to start their vacation, checking their bags in to the luggage hold…smug bastards; hope it bloody rains. Enough jealousy Dean…make your point. Ok…it was bloody busy; like 10 minute delay for bags busy.

Don’t just sit down Jo…take the kids to toilet and get to the car…we need to play Tetris round 2. Play the music…

How I managed to fit everything in this car is beyond me…There should be literal awards for this. I mean…I was the only comfortable one travelling the 40 minute drive to the airport…but everything was in. Head down kids, stay safe, and may the gods be forever in your favour…let’s do this!!! Just umm…don’t move, and keep your heads down if you see any police…

Bloody hell we’re cutting this fine…I promised Alamo I’d have the car back before 6pm…then it turns back into a pumpkin apparently; that definitely wouldn’t fit much in it…

Gas!!! We need Gas!!! (Still no idea why they call something that’s clearly a liquid, ‘Gas’ mind…oh yeah; Gasoline…literally working that out at time of writing; FFS Dean!!). Yep…I’d pinky promised Alamo to have her full to the brim and pissed up on return from her 2 week vacay, best stick to my word or they’ll be after me like an angry parent. Quick Jo, you expert navigator you (got to flatter her for the help you see)…find me this clearly liquid ‘Gas’.

Thankfully we manage to fill up and drop off all before 6. Thank goodness…now just to hide all the scuff marks and hope they don’t see the way I’ve packed this thing. Phew…they turn a blind eye and don’t try rob me at drop off. Everything’s coming up Milhouse!!

Well…it was. Navigating Orlando International with Alaska ‘helping’ bring the cases was…well; interesting. We got there eventually mind…like after a long, long time…come on Alaska; pretty sure the flight time is faster. Check in becomes predictably full of havoc as self check in and bag drop off prove to be useless feats solely for the purpose of taunting customers into believing they could fast track the ceremonial dumping of their cases. At least the kids were giving some in line entertainment…just wish someone else’s kids would share the burden for once…this pair need a day off.

Security was fun…’First and Last name please buddy’…Grayson keeps staring at me like I’ve primed him to answer. Bloody hell Gray…stop looking like I’m trafficking you and just answer the question. Bloody kid is putting years on me. Listen…if you want him; take him! Especially since he’s doing cartwheels and breakdancing while we are trying to pass the security checks. Gray it’s serious, it not supposed to be fun; you can’t choose which scanner you go through!! “Awww, I wanted to go through that one”. Did sometime sneak him some drugs when we weren’t looking? Security, you may want to detain him.

And Jo is the one that gets pulled aside; Yay…quick kids, run!!! The only suspect thing in that bag is the smelly shoes of Grayson…I can see why you’d think they were weapons…

How we navigated security I will never know, but lo and behold, we’re finally at the terminal gates. Terminal C is awesome (not like that terrible Terminal A of February’s trip). Food, coffee and, oooo, a Universal shop!!!

First off though, Shake Shack. The kids deny they are hungry but swiftly demolish Jordan’s cheeseburger and fries. “Dad, if you buy me food I won’t eat it”…ok Alaska; what about a Cinnabon?

Thought she was going to bite my hand off…apparently she was hungry. “I WANT THAT ONE…ONLY THAT ONE!”. Poor cashier was shaking with fear when picking her rolls out. Yeah imagine living with her…like 1940’s Germany.

Some final shopping around the Disney and Universal stores, to use up any remaining monies, treat Jo to a new ring (no nothing elaborate…it’s a Disney ring; it’s like you don’t even know us), and head to the gate as the pre flight entertainment is just starting to kick off. Apparently the kids had been preparing an interpretive dance  routine for us while we slept; which is why they were always so tired in the mornings. Makes perfect sense…

The lights dim, music begins to play and gate 244 erupts in applause as the kids conclude part 1 of their 3 part epic. Looks great guys, but maybe resist tripping everyone up. To be fair…the people shouldn’t be walking centre stage during show time.

Gates open…plane boarded…Alaska…I love you; “GET OFF ME!!”. Said with love…clearly; she only shouted due to her headphones…I have to believe this. She’s still trying to work out her volume levels. This 8 hour flight should be a barrel of laughs.

Luggage havoc ensues as an overbooked BA Flight ensures no room for the passengers luggage in the overheads. Luckily we’d taken up all the space already and were sitting comfortably watching the fights spark around us. Some people just want to watch the world burn…we are those people.

We take off after the royal rumble is settled and luggage is finally sited. Jordan makes friends as usual, and pisses some bloke off so much that he snitches on her for not letting him recline on account of him continually smashing her knees. Guess he doesn’t know snitches get stitches and we’re travelling with Alaska. Would want to be this guy when the lights go down.

His dick move has instant karma as Jordan tags Grayson in…a Grayson that loves aggressively playing games on the monitors attached to the headrest. Have fun dealing with this one mate…

Food comes, and Alaska manages the child’s meal this time…adding sweetener to your pasta babes? America really has rubbed off on you; though I’m not sure this combo is going to work very well.

Mind you, I’d probably take the sweetened penne over the bright blue Key Lime Pie that accompanied our meal. Delicious, but why the hell is it blue??

Ahhh the joys of a night flight…half asleep bodies litter the aisles, children cry in a mix of tiredness and 12 hour post Disney depression (yeah me too guys), and the line for the toilet is almost the length of the place with everyone trying to get their pre sleep pees in. Speaking of sleep…I’m shattered…5 hours to go and I’m gonna try join Alaska in the land of nod with ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ to soothe me to sleep. That’s the plan anyways…

Argh, I hate sleeping on a plane…never ever comfortable, and spend hours flailing around like a tantrumming toddler in hopes of getting some form of comfort. Must have managed a quick half hour or so, next thing I know…

Lights on…”WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!”; or that’s how it felt. The breakfast brigade is in town, and a random wrap has manifested on Alaska. Where the hell has this come from?

Egg and cheese bagel for brekkie? Why not…not really hungry, but I’m never one to turn down a meal service. Half decent to be fair…ahhh, and only an hour to go…

Decent flight to be fair…got bugger all sleep, few bouts of aggressive turbulence that had me praying for survival, but overall not too bad. Land, baggage collection (I may have been too sleepy and missed Elsa 🙄)…time to travel home. Thank God for Dad…and the roof box, this should be a fun journey home; time for Tetris part 3; this time it’s personal.

Well…that was fun, between Grayson screaming in tears at the thought of Steve travelling in the roof box, 6th time lucky, we fit everything in…Let’s go home!!

Had another amazing family holiday, did so much and have so many happy memories.

Here’s to the next :)

Final lizard count: 322…