Crazy Cat Ladies, Sadistic Clowns and Killer Pizza Bears…it’s HHN34!! Florida September 2025: Day 4

Gimme coffee…all the coffee; I’m gonna need it today. Getting old see; I’m almost 40, well…kinda. Grayson ever keen to remind me I’m not quite there yet. Thanks kid, I need the reminder sometimes; OK OK, I’m just lacking stamina. Gonna need all the help I can get; it’s HHN Night!!!

Hell…yes!! The reason we travel this time of year, our absolutely favourite thing, and this year looks insane; Five Nights at Freddy’s, Terrifier, Fallout, Jason…WWE? This could get interesting…

So…little bit late up after an Epic day doing Epic things at Epic Universe; lot of Epics I know, but it was pretty Epic to be fair (ooo, new game…how many Epics can I fit into 1 blog?; take your bets, write them down and tell me if you guessed right at the end; if you make it that far…).

Up, dressed, Starbucks…Universal!! Yep, we’re doing Universal Studios Florida today (albeit a little later than normal), and pulling an all nighter…HHN BABY!!! Equipped with new code words to stop the kids fighting (this did not work at all…), we were on our way.

Weather is being more indecisive than the Jordan deciding on a date night restaurant…bloody hell mun, make up your mind; we’re supposed to have a fortnight in the sun; we’re not in Wales!!

Ahhh, whatever…we’ll have a great day regardless. First stop? Where else…Villain Con; time for Alaska to regain her spot on the Vicious 6; ousting ‘Moosekuckle’…umm I think it’s ‘Wild Knuckles’, but close enough Jo. Bloody love this ride/game/whatever the hell it is…and of course; I’m back on the scoreboard. Sorry Alaska…I’m taking your place…call me; Mean Dean!!!

R.I.P Ride Rockit looking a shadow of its former self…Grayson throws himself into fits of mourning at a ride that: 1) he’d never ridden, and 2) last time I rode it nearly killed his dad…calm down Gray; you have no inheritance…you don’t want it to finish the job anyway. Sad to see it go…well I am; Jordan bloody hates the spine cracking disasterpiece. Never fear; Mine Cart Madness has taken that crown.

The Mummy…love this ride, and Alaska is finally tall enough to ride…YAY!!!…wait, what? She’s not?…bloody hell Jordan; stop guessing the height requirements…I know you’re bad at math, but surely you can tell the difference between 42 and 48 inches? I mean ultimately it works in my favour right? (I apologies for the innuendo…very unlike me). “Dad, Queens get whatever they want”; umm ok Alaska…and what do they want? “SWEETIES!!!”. Right…ummm, we’re in ancient Egypt, and here Queens get mummified, so let’s compromise and not get sweets. In return, I’ll not tell Imhotep…deal? Silence…I’ll class that as a win.

Exit into the Tribute store for this years HHN; a littler different than normal, but some great theming, a storyline fitting with the theme and some pretty cool Easter eggs along the way. “Ooo, Easter Eggs?”….not chocolate Alaska, calm down.

Drop far too much money here, but got a rather snazzy new bucket hat and shirt…there’s worse things to be addicted to I guess; though my ‘HHN shirts I’ll never wear’ collection is getting a little too sizeable. Oh well; I’ve got to fill the extra suitcase I brought…no point otherwise.

Bucket hat on…looking good Dean; well good for an almost 40 year old (yes I know Grayson) trying to look ‘hip’ among the FNAF crowd. I look great right Jo? “You look special babes”…thanks hun; wait, what??

Epic…I looked Epic (well…I didn’t, but I haven’t said it in a while…)

Exit to the Blues Brothers working the crowd in New York. You may have no idea who they are anymore, but damn can they put on a show. Alaska busts a move (you try stopping her; she’s a dancing Queen…oh no; and Queens want SWEETIES!!!). No idea when Gray turned into an angsty teen mind…no dancing in him today; but you know…Queens get what they want…so…

Missed breakfast; absolutely starving…commence the hunt for lunch. As indecisive as the Florida weather (see I told you she was bad), Jordan ultimately leaves the choice to me; only one winner in USF…Fast Food Boulevard. 1 Basket o’ Bait please…that will never feed us all (the kids are becoming ravenous little Carnivals lately)…”I want WAFFLES!!!”…oh ok, and Queens get what they want…of course Alaska; chicken and waffles it is…can I share though?

Greedy little Alaska swiftly hammers the Chicken and Waffles, chased down with a ball of Squid. Damn girl, leave some for the rest of us. Jordan was particularly devastated as she had only managed a piece of fish before Alaska Noo-Noo’d the rest of the food (please tell me someone gets the reference?). Few quick blasts on the Love Tester (I don’t want to talk about it…), and we leave before Grayson starts a tab at Moes. Only 2 Duff beers in and he was becoming an angry drunk; best get him out before we get kicked out.

ET then? Nope…little bugger has phoned home and legged it back to save his mates. No one likes a quitter ET…poor form. Take advantage to check out The Cat Lady of Crooked Lane’s house; go knock on the door kids…nothing will happen; honest. This scare zone really is looking epic…cannot wait to see this at night.

Right…that little alien has annoyed me, closing his ride and everything…inconsiderate little bugger. MIB, let’s get him…

Alaska is actually tall enough for this ride (I checked; I’ve been burned one too many times by Jo)…time to hunt ET and his rabble. Galaxy defenders…assemble!!! Alaska selects her Noisy Cricket, chucks on her suit and hits the streets. 🎶Here come the Men In Black 🎶…Yep, the MEN in Black…Me and Gray get recruited following Galaxy saving scores…Agents D and G reporting; Alaska and Jo? Well no one has heard from them since…

Oh…found them, false alarm. How the hell are they in London? And what’s this big purple bus? And why is there a Shrunken Head driving?…ahhhhh; must be magic (are you starting to believe now Gray?). Yes it’s that time of the day where we visit the The Night Bus, a time where our usually incredibly talkative kids forget how to speak and play a game called ‘How long can we get this talking head to talk to us before he tells us to bugger off” (they’re still working on the title…it’s not very catchy admittedly).

Not got a popcorn bucket this trip yet…let’s fix that; Alaska desperate for some popcorn (yeah me too babes), of course I oblige (she’s the Queen after all and…well you know the rest). Oh cool, the Harikuma popcorn bucket…1 please. “We haven’t got any popcorn”…that’s ok, I just want the bucket. Shock/horror as the cashier views me in disgust. Yes I just want the cool bucket…I know I’m strange; bucket me!!…oh and if I can have a receipt for my refill that would be great. Like getting blood from a stone, but luckily half hour later I finally had a hand written note that pinky promised I hadn’t had any popcorn and would require my ‘free’ first fill…success!!! The bucket is pretty Epic mind…

So…bucket acquired, banana popcorn loaded up…it’s time for the old kid switcheroo. As fortune would have it, our good friends Lloyd, Kim and family are vaycaying at the same time (well…technically it’s Kim’s fault we’re out here this time; though none of us are complaining). So we’d organised a child swap for the evening to enjoy HHN…well, when I say ‘Child Swap’, to be fair…they had the worse deal. We gained 2 fully functioning, polite, fun, young adults; they gained a pair of hooligans that can’t not fight if a queue is longer than 0.5 seconds…fair trade? God speed guys; Thank you and sorry in advance. Oh and speaking of Fortune? These guys saved me a small fortune in flights and hotels for Chris…he’d been waiting in the wings and browsing first class flights in hopes of returning for another 3 day HHN kick watching stint.

It’s Wrist band time; context…no stay and scream cages for guests (shame…I used to enjoy the experience of being bearded like cattle and waiting in the baking sun for the sweet embrace of death…well, or early entry to the houses. This year is a little different…wrist band collection…roam the park or spend 2 hours queueing. Of course we chose a the latter…

Let’s game plan!! HHN is a military operation, and we now had Seth and Yasmine to strategise with and guide through their first HHN. No pressure Dean, just don’t bugger it up!!

Clear some space guys…map comes out as I plot a course like a military commander intent on sending my team to their death (calm down…in this story, death represents the houses). Right…everyone clear? “SIR YES SIR!!!”; holy hell, did not expect that response; these guys are pumped!!!

Right…2 hours too opening; perfect time to queue. I know…absolute madness, but it’s best to queue this side of HHN than the other. Most popular house this year…Five Nights at Freddy’s…let’s go!!

In line…3:15; Jordan gives a load of kids a mouthful for daring to stand in front of us; 10 minutes later there’s a mad rush and we do the same to everyone else. 30 minutes later…mad rush number 2…30 minutes later…go on, guess. Yep, a civilised walk to the queue line for FNAF. Well…not really.

Havoc breaks loose as the road splits in three. Terrifier? Wyatt Sicks?…nah it’s got to be FNAF; everyone had the same idea though…DAMN!! Come on gang, we got this. A mad rush ensues as once again everyone breaks the ‘don’t run like absolute maniacs’ rule. Seth and Yasmine in a fit of first timer rage excitement start windmilling through the crowds, clearing space for me and Jo in their wake; you got this guys. A trail of corpses later and we’re all settled into the FNAF line, a mere 2 lines back in the queue. Good work guys.

The wait goes pretty quick and before we know it we are funnelled into Freddy Fazbears Pizzeria to be tormented by the ghostly children and the most badass animatronics I’ve ever seen. Everything I expected, just a ton of fun, and a solid, solid 1st house of the night. Epic!!!

Grave of Flesh follows as we meet an incredibly short line and are transported to the grave and attacked by flesh eating monsters. Well well well…some incredible scenes here, some great scares and again…an absolute epic house. This is going great, and fantastic to experience the houses with first timers having an absolute blast!! Though, Me and Seth were enjoying watching Jo and Yasmine taking scare after scare…brilliant!!

OK, this is where we part ways guys…you got the plan? Back of the park first then work your way round…you got this; use my strategy…send the women in first, watch them get scared and the walk through like a manly man; well actually…that’s never really worked for me…I was screaming like a lady all through insidious last year, but it’s worth a try.

Time to use our express passes Jo; let’s go…

El Artista: A Spanish Haunting; stunning, picturesque, story driven…amazing (oh sorry…Epic!!; what’s the count now?). My number 1 hyped, and very possibly my number 1 after a great run through.

Terrifier: sights, smells, sadistic clowns. Everything we expected…it was graphic, gory and a load of fun. A wandering Art greets us at the facade, swinging his wood about (…ey, get your minds out of the gutter)…“You will get wet”…yep, very true…we chose a the blood bath path and got soaked. Wait it’s just water right? RIGHT??? Bleach and blood soaked, we quickly hammer the next house; The Horrors of the Wyatt Sicks.

Very WWE heavy, not having a clue what was going on, but again…a solid house with some Easter eggs even I could pick up on (no Alaska…again; not the chocolate Easter eggs).

Worked up an appetite…we Cram the Spam from the Fallout food booth; spicy fried spam and tater tots. Pretty delicious…though the £13 price was the first jump scare I’d had all night; mad price for the food here. I may have to take out a small loan in we intend on doing this whole ‘eating’ malarkey…

Anyways…Toxic Twenties: Mutations scare zone…absolutely brilliant, fun and full of bright green goo…lots of fun with some great show elements that had me dealing with Jordan’s puns and Dad jokes the whole way through…”looks like he’s had some bad news…”; the mutant at the newspaper stand…FFS Jordan, please stop…this is scarier than any of the houses.

Quick pic at the HHN34 sign, before we head to Jason Universe. A compilation of Jason’s best moments…what could go wrong? Travelling through a queue for a ride more terrifying than any HHN house (you know the ride), we make our way as Jordan gets jump scared by team members before we even get to the house. Brilliant house, pretty scary and a corridor gang bang of Jason’s to finish…

Exit into the rave of Club Horror to throw a few shapes before reaching Fallout and Galkn: Monsters of the North. Another two epic houses…heard Fallout is supposed to be the ‘weak’ houses this year, but it was brilliant and had some great effects and visuals. Galkn was something else; beautifully done with a great story…

Almost done with the houses and it’s only 8:30…doing well. Dolls: Lets Play Dead…ahh that’s where Alaska got to. A creepy kid shrinks us to doll sized and tortures us…hmmm; sound familiar? Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant…got all three guest activated triggers, and generally had a brilliant time eating the torture of Barbie dolls and action men.

Yeehaw!!! It’s time for the last house of the night…HATCHET AND CHAINS: DEMON BOUNTY HUNTERS!!! Amazing once more…a Wild West horror house; what’s not to love? Well…judging by guy in front of us…EVERYTHING!! In a fit of fear, the poor bloke jumps, screams and does everything barring covering her eyes. Lots of hatchets, lots of chains, lots of demons…what’s not to love ey?

Manage to stumble into The Cat Lady of Crooked Lanes show…this is a great addition…how the cat lady amasses her minions and turns unwitting kids into cats. What anyone would want more cats is beyond me…I can just about cope with to two we have. After failing to broker the sale of our two moggies to the crazy cat lady, we make our way through the rest of the zone…crazy kids and pumpkins everywhere; just like Halloween in Merthyr…feels like home.

Quick pit stop…Got ID’d for some Sangria… must have been looking for a tip, or he way hitting on me…either way I’m flattered; heroes do exist. Though this hero did con me into spending almost a tenner on a handful of churros. Bad idea with the alcohol Dean, Jordan’s hammered…you thought her jokes were bad before? Brace yourself!!! Souvenir cup acquired…no blinky cups this year mind following the exploding murder cups of last year. Always a few that spoil it for the many ey?

Mel’s Die-In zombie street experience…rollerskating zombies serving legs of…well; human. Mmmm delicious, but I think I’ll stick to the churros thanks.

Last few zones…Masquerade followed by The Origins of Horror, both absolutely brilliant…and the statues of all the IP’s this year 👌…EPIC!!

Back to the first two houses to use our express passes; felt like royalty skipping the FNAF line; bow to me peasants!!! Yep…both still brilliant.

Time for a bit of chill then…Deep Fried Carrot Cake (now the only way I’ll ever eat Carrot Cake…bloody delicious), a Bucket Hat rave a la Kevin and Perry (throwback…”all I want to do is do it!!”, and a hunt in vain for Death Eaters; note: the Death Eaters must have unionised for fair working hours and have a work curfew of 11ish…don’t worry; when the dark lord takes power that will be the first to go…All hail Lord Voldemort…need my HHN Death Eaters back!!!

Haut-O-Phonic to finish the night and we are done. This was an awesome show btw; dancing water, spooky sounds…what’s not to like.

Caught up with the kids, and headed back for a 2:30am finish (still got it!!!).

Few things to remember…stay and scream; always worth it, HHN34; the best yet, and while delicious; the food is ridiculously overpriced.

Fantastic night at HHN though…some may say; EPIC!!, cannot wait to get back with the kids on Sunday. Different vibe tomorrow though…EPCOT!!!

How many did you count?