Fab Flights and Volcano Views | Florida February 2025: Arrival Day

🎶Oh my god we’re back again🎶…right that’s enough of that, best stop before I get hit with an infringement notice. Yep that’s right, it’s our first Florida trip this year…maybe; the kids need to behave first or I’ll have to finally follow through on my threats and not take them to Florida. Seriously, this pair have been more wound up that the wind up monkey in the latest Stephen King adaptation…but a tad more deadly; seriously, the word ‘no’ with Alaska…you’ll regret it. Having spent the last 3 days tormenting me, screaming randomly at me in an excited rage, and using the Reading Premier Inn beds like a 3rd floor tunnel system, I was dreading a 10 hour flight next to this pair; I was secretly hoping I’d lose the seating arrangement lottery and be situated elsewhere on the plane…in retrospect I should I have bid higher for my business class seat. Note to self for the return journey.

Ok ok, so let’s do this…alarm goes and it’s time to wake up, grab a brush and and put on a little makeup…cheers Serj. Jo you best crack on, this may take a while. Snooze please. I’ve been on a 3 week straight pre 7am wake up and I want some form of rest; not today Deany boy, you’ve a flight to catch. Ok I’m up; kids, wakey wakey, time to get dressed whilst your mother takes an hour de-trolling (that’s ’applying makeup’ to the layman). Hmmm maybe it will catch on? I’m sure I won’t live to see it when Jo reads this entry.

Right, an hour later and Jordan finally looks fit to emerge from under the bridge (I kid, she’s beautiful and I love her…I say this under my own free will and am in no way coerced), we finally begin our journey to hell…umm I mean Heathrow Terminal 3. Ahhh Terminal 3, newly appointed into the ULEZ zone, great to see London taking a stance on those pesky emissions these dirty travel folk bring with them…let’s not mention the giant airport and the not so subtle coincidence that ULEZ zones oh so conveniently pop up in tourist areas. Ahhh I’m just bitter I have to spend an extra 12 quid for the privilege of standstill traffic. Speaking of which…an hour to get 1.5 miles was tons of fun with the kids continuance of “are we there yet?, are we there yet?”. Well technically yes, and technically no…you keep this up and this will be the final destination for you; the tunnels at Heathrow, what a wonderful place to spend a week…who needs Florida ey?

Finally make it to the car drop off after the humiliation of being beaten by a passing snail (smug bugger made sure to rub it in too…”ah mate, you got beaten by a snail, and I’m really slow”…nice one, Dale, maybe work on your smack talk though). Snail mortally wounded; cheers Alaska, car dropped off (hope they don’t take it for a joy ride, I’ve only paid for one day of ULEZ allowance), and time for check in. Ah, the automated systems, as if a 10 hour flight next to Pain and Panic wasn’t enough, time to test my patience with a game belonging in the industrial zone of the Crystal Maze, automated check in. To be fair, it was pretty easy, and I could have saved myself time if I’d done it online, but I just love the pressure of repeating our destination address 4 times over whilst Alaska screams in my face and Jordan stresses over the extending baggage drop line; can’t wait for this relaxing holiday aii.

Some lovely Virgin staff (a strange stipulation for working for the company I will admit), fastracked us to the front of the line (hopefully a trend for the week); presumably due to them already having a right titful of the Fletchers…just wait for the flight 🙄.

Baggage drop all done and security smoothly navigated. Thank god they didn’t detect Alaska’s stink bomb…she’d been proudly dropping them all morning; very ladylike.

My god it’s busy here today (the line to the car park kind of gave it away), thank goodness I had the sense to book a lounge; there is no way I could deal with a post apocalyptic looking Heathrow Terminal. The Aspire Lounge…ahhh, Jordan manages to park up next to the buffet bar and makes a beeline for the open bar…”It’s 5 o clock somewhere”…as Jordan sinks her third whiskey; yeah but it’s 10am here, chill out love. Bugger it…grab me a beer; you know what they say…’when in Rome’…yeah no idea how that applies, never been to Rome, must be some weird ‘in joke’ or something. Beers, Lads, Beers, Lads!!!! Grayson put that beer down!!!

Breakfast sorted, and we were determined today to stop the ‘Home Alone’ montage; plan ahead and keep an eye on the departure board, my fat ass can’t carry Alaska miles through the terminal these days at break neck speed.

To be fair, this lounge was a great idea…£26 a person with unlimited food and drink for 3 hours and a place to chill; well worth it. If only they had more than one working toilet…now that would be money well spent!! Something sadistically tortuous about plying people full to the brim and watching the Battle Royale for the single working toilet; Alaska is now the toilet queen and we are banned for the Aspire lounge.

Lunch time creeps in and Jordan spots the lunchtime turnover of goodies…poor woman hasn’t even set the first platter down before Jordan was neck deep in hummus. “Dad, you don’t want to get fat”…thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow there Gray Gray…I don’t want to revert back to 2021 Dean; fat shaming at its finest; I’m on vacation, just let me enjoy myself mun 😢

The alert goes out…the boarding gate is finally released…Jordan, put that hummus down you, we’ve got a plane to be on time for…none of this last minute poo fiasco like last time; control your bowels!!!

Quick, leg it!!! PTSD comes flooding back and Grayson once again leads the line to hault the plane and become the thankless hero yet again (seriously, his catchphrase of the day is “I stopped the plane for us last time and you didn’t even thank me!”…not like you did it for selfless reasons really was it though Gray?). Wait…what?? We’re early? This cannot be true. Raging mun, I really enjoyed the walk straight on to the plane whilst being told off by airport staff last time…can’t believe we have to wait to board like normal people; maybe Jo should have had that pre flight poo after all…mind you, the single lounge toilet may not have thanked her.

Boarding group 5 please…right, let’s get on ‘Miss England’…insert inuendo here. Do I really need to say anything? I worry about cancel culture nowadays and need to self censor.

Alaska gives her best shot at a free upgrade with a sneakily left turn into business class, but is quickly strong armed out by the door man intent on ensuring none of us economy class paupers mingle with the 1% club. I mean, I could join them if I didn’t have this pesky family!!! Maybe I’ll bid for me and Alaska to ride in luxury for the return leg…Jo and Gray can slum it.

Locked in and taxied before we know it. Take off left me in a fit of panic, but after that it was all plane (ha get it?) sailing from then; well despite Alaska’s constant inability to converse at a normal volume due the headphones, and her disgust at the kids meals…seriously? Pasta and Broccoli are literally your favourite foods…ah just eat the chocolate then…who needs real food ey? Oh ok, just steal my food then, Grayson has already fat shamed me, why not finish the job.

Great, today shall be henceforth named ‘The Day of the Broken Toilets’ as Virgin Atlantic finish the job and provide us with a lockless facility. It’s ok, I’ve got Grayson to stand guard…fail!! I was sword fighting with a randomer after 10 seconds of Grayson on guard duty with beta soon being taken cain wide on the winner…next up for this sessions mile high casino…the Wee race!! Yeah cheers for that Gray, nothing like exposing myself to the cabin.

Managed to get a few movies in on the flight between lunch, snacks and Alaska’s splash zone…well who doesn’t want a full cup of water over their lap? Huh?…yeah me neither, thanks again Alaska; I do like ice cream though…thanks very much!! Poor Gray also learned a new hatred for kids on planes (the little kid in front was winding him up, and I was all there for the laughs…Alaska demonstrated a stern hatred for anything that wasn’t cheese or chocolate…or sweets 😂.

Oh, and just a note…if you take cans on a plane, they will explode under the pressure; so will crisps, but that’s not such an issue.

Almost time to land, and Alaska and Grayson get selected by the lovely cabin crew to hand out sweets and treats to the plane. Aww this was amazing, the kids got to wear the cabin crew jackets, and were given loads of sweets and a mug each to remember their brief stint as cabin crew…Grayson now has aspirations to one day fly the virgin skies in the red jacket. Virgin recruitment drive is a great success…sneaky sneaky.

Honestly, the crew were amazing today, and took a real shine to Alaska and Grayson (try living with them 🙄). The kids really had great treatment and were invited to meet the pilots in the cockpit before we left…this was incredible, the smile on Graysons face was absolutely priceless, and I was pretty chuffed to have a few pics in the Captains chair too…I may have gone too far when I tried to turn the engine on; guess I won’t be invited back anytime soon. Just incase…that was a joke (can never be too careful these days).

Mobile Passport Control is the ultimate hack, and quickly shifts us through the previously 2 hour long boarder control fun (maybe an exaggeration…maybe). Baggage collection was nice and easy too…what the hell is going on? Is this really MCO? Everything is so efficient!! I was even happy to see Elsa making her way round the baggage claim…no not the dog (don’t tempt Jordan), but case cover that Jordan bought me as a joke and I’m too stubborn not to use…I’ll have the last laugh.

First ride on the MCO internal monorail complete and we head to our private transfers. Feeling like a rockstar with my private driver waiting for me with a placard adorning my name (damn this must be how the mildly wealthy feel); the transfers were so quick and easy…much better than that time me and Jo got scammed by a fake Uber driver who we paid over the odds just for the privilege of surviving the journey. The less said the better.

Check in was great…fantastic Volcano View room…and I mean, it’s an amazing view of the waterpark, and some great nighttime ambiance. Incredible…only downside is we have about a mile to walk to our room (we are literally the last room on the top floor). The view is worth it though; we can even see Islands of Adventure…no Jordan, that’s Icon Park (I think), IOA is completely the other direction.

Quick bit of food at Bayliner Diner, and swiftly scammed by the kids into spending a small fortune on refill resort cups…thanks for the kids. Little explore and chill by the firepits before heading for bed basking in the view of the Volcano.

Good day to be fair…can’t wait for tomorrow; maybe have a little lie in though.