Let’s Glow Crazy: The long awaited Birthday Party

So…the day is here, the day Grayson has been waiting 7 years (well technically 6 years, 11 months and 21 days; but who’s counting ey?) for…Today he actually has a Birthday Party planned!!!

Hell yes, I’d chucked my anxiety of no one turning up aside, and finally we’d been proactive enough to forewarn all his school friends a few months in advance (not like I did with his Aunty Paigey…best not to mention that too much though), and we’d actually booked a party to celebrate Grays birthday; 7 years in the making…this was bound to be insane 🤯. Mind you, not like he’d been missing out the last few years…5th Birthday; Disney, 6th Birthday; Legoland, 7th Birthday…Saron Hall 🙄. OK OK, it sounds like we’ve had a steady decline over the last few years…but today was amazing.

What’s on the menu today then Jo…a Neon Party? No idea what that is, but I assume black lights, bright colours and a Drum & Bass ‘Happy Birthday’ was on the cards…can’t wait to crack out my hot pink tutu and neon war paint…wait, what do you mean I can’t wear your outfit Alaska??!! Fine, fine…you look cuter in them anyways. Right, back to the party planning…

We’d sent out the invites, complete with disclaimer absolving us of responsibility should a rogue 7 year old turn up with a bag of powder and pills ready to “LIGHT THIS SHIT UP!!”, and step the party up a notch. Hmm, maybe I need to hire a doorman to supervise…

Anyways…despite the warning, 30 kids were planned and booked in to enter chance Grayson’s Midday Rave…all going to plan. Well…expect for all the party props Jordan had booked. Bugger…you’d think you would be able to trust a discount online store based half way across the world to deliver your goods in the space of a week…well, let me tell you something. With 2 days to go, and no sign of Temu fulfilling their promise of a ‘hasty as fuck’ delivery (seriously, check the options delivery: 7-10 working days, 48hrs, Hasty as fuck ✅), I began panic buying neon props and supply’s faster than Valleys folk can buy bread and milk at the slightest sniff of a snowstorm. 1 million dollars (I really hope someone gets the reference) dropped on balloons, backgrounds, outfits, super duper flashing glasses, glow sticks and cocaine…well, maybe not the cocaine, it’s a kids party after all.

Disclaimer…drugs are bad …it’s a joke; Grayson was having a rave after all. Disclaimer out of the way (you can never be too careful)…back to the day…

So yeah…where were we? Ah yes…panic buying props, reassuring people I’m not a stereotypical valleys boy…oh yes; the props.

So if Temu didn’t play a game of ‘Gottcha Bitch’. The bastards decided that they’d deliver earlier than expected, ensuring we had a shit ton of neon balloons, black lights, glasses, backdrops, posters…if it was neon…we had it; TWICE!! “Ahhh, you can send it back to Amazon Dean”; nah you’re ok Jo…doubt they’d take this tutu back after I’d already stretched it out trying it on.

Right…let’s get this party started. Deb, Grays drama teacher (not Nanny Deb the cake cutting nightmare; you’ll find out why she coined that nickname a little later on) had already set up the hall, ready to play DJ and host to what I heard the kids say was “the party of the century”, or as another described it; “lit as shit”. Yep…they are 100% true reviews right there…

We added a few more (hundred) props and backlights ready for the arrival of the Blwyddyn Dau massive….Grayson, Alaska and Jordan complete with their full on neon gear; me? Well I had a bright pink Poodle T shirt on…what else? Honestly they all looked amazing.

On to the Buffet…Paul and Saran had been in full on traditional kids party food mode with a whirlwind selection of classics like Cheese and Pineapple, Random Sandwiches, Pasties, Sausages, Pizza…you name it, Paul had it…well; apart from crisps; the bugger made me get them. Don’t you know I just panic spent over a £100 on unnecessary props??!! I didn’t budget for a few bags of crisps. Fuming mun. Honestly though, nice one guys, understood the assignment and ran with it…it’s like Paul had been waiting for this moment for 7 years…”let the knife do the work, butter that bread and don’t tear it Saran!!!”. Yep, Channelling his inner Gordon Ramsey, poor Mam was buttering bread in fear mode.

“DAD!!! WE HAVE GUESTS!!!”. Aww man, the excitement in Grays face when his friends started walking through the doors. He was so damn happy, and I was loving seeing him so excited…it was awesome.

Not quite as awesome as Paul’s dance moves mind, throwing shapes faster than a toddler having a tantrum…’Daddy cool’ blasts across the airwaves as Paul busts out moves he’d left in a Pontypridd nightclub 30 years earlier…minus the illicit substances; calm it Paul, it’s a kids party…

As the room reaches capacity, it’s party time. The kids start the day showing us that their days in school are wasted as they fail to assemble into a circle; quick Paul start throwing shapes again, maybe they’ll learn. Finally assembled, the games begin.

Ahh, Traditional Pass the Parcel…with a twist; quick unwrap the prize…”run around in a circle?”. Ahhh I see how this is going, nice one Debbie, cleverly managing to wear the kids out from the get go. This was cool mind, the kids gradually thrown into activities before getting to the grand prize, and being absolutely knackered in the process…the parents will be grateful I’m sure.

A few more traditional games with a fun party twist, all under the glow of black light and neon vibrancy…Statues? Yeah…but you got to walk around with your hands in your bum and make fun of your parents and teacher…the kids bloody loved it mun. It was really fun to watch them all having a great time.

Right…take half hour, have a break and get some food. Paul will be around for your feedback on his buffet skills in due course; I feel he may be gearing up for a career change. Crikey, this was a task mind…controlling 30 kids at a buffet was on par with every post apocalyptic movie intro I’d ever seen; you know, the scenes where the government still thinks they have control but are ultimately overthrown by the public…yeah, that was me in the middle of the buffet line. To be fair, it must have been difficult to understand what I was trying to say to the kids with a mouthful of crisps and pasties.

Fleeing the Saron Hall party riots, I sought refuge in the kitchen where Grayson and a few other lads (including ‘Jackson the Party Man’; apparently parties at 10 times better when he’s around) have congregated to strategise and hammer the buffet. Oh…and have an impromptu food fight…because, why the hell not apparently. Calm down guys…poor Paul will burst into tears if he sees one more ham sandwich fly across the room.

Right kids…if you’re going to throw food, make sure it’s the Egg Mayo sandwiches…no one likes them anyways.

Thank goodness…Deb is calling them back. Time for part 2: Parachute party. A huge parachute fills the room, and filled with balloons as the kids all kick off and rave. Grayson gets in the middle as his mates fling around the chute full of balloons as Anne Marie’s ‘Birthday’ erupts. Damn, I’ve never seen him smile so wide…so, so happy. Oh and of course Alaska joined in too…just for fun. Then it was the adults turn…no Jordan, get out of the middle; it’s time to do some work, it’s our turn to work the chute while the kids risk suffocation underneath…

Chute back…time to finish off with a Snowball fight…wait what??!! Hell yeah, this was so much fun. The hall erupts into more havoc than the kitchen food fight and balls start flying around faster than at a swingers party. At this point Ladies and Gentlemen, at this point I witnessed the wonders of Modern Medicine and the magic of the NHS. Chris couldn’t walk a month ago, but today, well today he was blinding me with snowballs…”Hey Deano…” snowball to the eye; cheers Chris. His new book ‘Cripple to Snowball Bully: My Journey’ coming 2026 on hardback, paperback and audiobook.

Finally found my sight just in time to sing Happy Birthday to Grayson, watch 30 kids cover the cake in saliva, and finally cut his incredibly vibrant neon cake…looked and tasted amazing. Even better if you manage to cut a piece properly ey Deb? “Cut me and Chris a piece”…what about that bit that you’ve already mullered? “There was plastic in it, I needed to do that”. Hmm…no you didn’t, but fine I’ll be the adult and cut the cake properly for you 🙄.

And that was the end of his awesome party…Party bags on exit, complete with more glowsticks, cake, sweets and goodies. So glad we did this party for Gray…he had such an amazing time, the party was incredible and it was amazing to see Gray and his friends have a such great time. Grayson was riding the high of his party for hours afterwards and didn’t stop talking about it.

AMAZING…happy birthday little man, you deserve all the fun and happiness in the world ❤️