Lobster Roll Day…everything else is just white noise. Florida September 2025. Day 12

“Wait…is this the park with Cinderellas Mine Cart Madness?”…well; yes and no Grayson. Here we call it ‘Seven Dwarves Mine Train’, but in honesty…your name is better. At least he got the Castle Princess right…that’s his Disney knowledge shining through right there.

Well…incase you hadn’t guessed; today we’re at the Magic Kingdom!! Home to Tianas Jurassic Adventure and Big Thunder Velocicoaster…or so Grayson would have you believe. Gray…stop making stuff up; rides…there are rides…

First ride of the day though…On board the Ferryboat for a change; our maiden voyage to the kingdom…good of the Mouse to surround his pride and joy with a moat; how very medieval of you Sir Mickey. Great time for Grayson to break out his new fear of sailing the choppy seas of Disneys lagoon; “But there are Alligators…what if we sink?”…well, to my knowledge I can swim, but know you can’t…so I’ve got my Alligator escape plan sorted. Apparently Mickey feels the same too, protect the parents…they have the money (the adult to child life vest ratio was similar to that of the Titanic…nice one Mouse man).

Surviving to the icy waters of Seven Seas Lagoon. Phew…we can all enjoy the day now Grayson has ceased being a shivering mess of cross water cowardice. For context…he spent many a weekend aboard a boat…on the actual sea; but there were no Alligators, so…

Right, we’re here…photos done, yay…MAGIC KINGDOM!!! Let’s see if the kids can magically behave themselves today. First stop; breakfast…I’ve gotten used to this eating in the morning malarkey, and was starting to feel withdrawals; I miss the all you can eat skillets. Next best thing though…a hearty helping of ‘make your own’ popcorn from the Main Street Confectionary. Always wanted to try this, but always deterred by the price…$16 for a bucket of popcorn with chocolate and toppings; actually…sounds like a bargain compared to the good old Odeon in Llanelli. If only we could decide on the toppings though…”I want ALL the Skittles!!!”, yeah that’s not happening Alaska. We finally settle on a combo (well…I decide and the rest fall in line), and head out for our breakfast on the main street bench…ahhh, magical. The allure of Cinderella Castle in the background as Alaska, Grayson and Jordan hammer fistfuls of messy popcorn goodness; now that is some real life magic right there.

“Gimme all your money”…Grayson mun!!! You can’t run into the Emporium with cooling towel bandana and finger guns shouting that…don’t you know where we are??!! Just taser him and let us get on with the day…nice one Disney security…no wonder Scuba Steve robbed The Paddlefish.

Swiss Family Treehouse to work off our breakfast…damn there are a lot of stairs; just invent a pulley system or something; don’t ships work off these? Bloody Robinson Family. To be fair though…I think I’m now in a calorie deficit; though Jordan looks like she’s about to collapse…and she didn’t even make the journey atop the tree. “Wow…this is a cool treehouse”. Don’t get any idea Gray…have you see half the animal enclosures? Would not take the weight of a fly let alone the weight of you and your sister after a fortnight in Florida.

Time for a nice cruise I think…across the jungle…on the Jungle Cruise; nice to see another British family fighting like hell for a change; always nice to feel we’re not the only ones. A ten minute ride, cross continents of Africa and Asia, with sooo many Dad jokes; and of course…the 8th Wonder of the World…THE BACK SIDE OF WATER!!!. Maybe this was a bad idea, I’d already endured a 20 minute car ride with the 2 animals we were ferrying and Jordan’s newly acquired taste for Dad jokes. Long story short…she’s now a skipper; starts next week and moving to Disney World in the next few months. I guess I can endure the same 3 jokes over and over again. Always a fun ride mind…great skipper; but how they do that day in and day out I will never know.

The Enchanted Tiki Room for a bit more of self inflicted torture. Never been in here, never want to return. What the hell did I just witness?? Jordan, why are you smiling? “Awww, I really loved that”. I think she may be ill, we’ll have to check when we’re home; I don’t think our travel insurance covers the level of insanity she clearly has. In honesty, it was a very surreal experience…a classic, but my eyes kept darting around the room desperately praying the Tiki Gods would end me and spare the misery.

Ahhh the exit doors…thank the Tiki Gods…Lunch time then? Jordan? Where have you gone?

A Scooby Doo style, Jordan shaped dust cloud replaces where she once stood as she legs it at the speed of light to the best food spot in Magic Kingdom…Columbia Harbour House; home of the Lobster Roll. Jo refuses to share…damn, I’d be annoyed, but I really want one to myself too. Probably not really worth the $20 price tag, but damned delicious, and a great view overlooking the Haunted Mansion. Kids, keep messing with your food and you’ll be looking at your new permanent residence and become the 1000th happy haunt…

Speaking of which…13 minutes!!! Quick, quick…13 minutes!!! You know what that means guys? GUYS??!!…missed opportunity. The mansion reverts back to 20 minutes, damn missed that one. For those non-Disney losers like me…13 minutes is basically a walk on to the mansion. Nevermind, let’s go explore the Tangled attraction instead…The Restrooms. Proper done the dirty on Rapunzel here (pun very much intended)…really need an attraction other than the midday Poo Parade.

“TINY WORLD!!” Oh no…Alaska has spotted it. I do believe it’s called ‘It’s a small world’ though. It’s a Disney staple, we have to oblige even if the tune will haunt my dreams for the next week. Ooo, Welsh representation…on the moon. Hmmm, I wonder what Disney imagineer visited Wales and thought ‘you know what…the moon…that’s where they belong’. Boardline prejudice? I think so…what would Mr Disney think of this dramatic shift in values 🙄 (on second thoughts…).

Traumatised, Zombified and doomed to repeat the same 3 sentences for the rest of the day, we snap out long enough to avoid the ridiculously long line for Peter Pan. Fancy waiting 75 minutes to fly over cardboard? Nah you’re ok thanks, we’ll take the carousel instead. Fibreglass horses…that’s where the fun is at. Wishwash and Speedy lead the charge with Gray and Alaska at the reins…hate to break it to you kids, but they all go the same speed.

Quick attempt to dethrone King Arthur; no such luck at getting the Sword from the Stone unfortunately (though I swear it moved a little…it did mun!!!). Who wants to run the kingdom?…only a figurehead for Mickeys rule anyways!! I’m not bitter at all.

Tron!!! No wait…The Barnstormer. Damn it Gray, where have you dragged me to now. The Great Goofini pulls perhaps his more elaborate magic trick ever…getting people to ride this coaster. Over faster than you can say abracadabra, and with as much thrill as a Steven Mulhern magic show, it left a lot to be desired…like some actual thrill…or a second run. Ahhh Alaska had fun anyways, that’s what matters right?

Catch up with Jo and split up for a few hours…we’re actually off on Tron this time; don’t try to fool me again Gray!!! A new overlay with the Tron: Ares soundtrack…let’s do this!!! Though I have no idea how I’m going to cope with Grayson the beatboxing pirate for the next few hours queuing in the blazing hot sun. Grid…take me now. We enter the grid, with Grayson shitting himself that he’s be forever digitised, while Alaska and Jo catch up with Ariel. Alaskas on a mission…unlucky Ariel.

Gray survives the grid, we forgot our locker number…try numerous lockers…Grayson robs numerous people…we find our locker and leave pretty quickly. Please note…Grayson didn’t really; he forgot his scuba gear (poor Paddlefish…how many more jokes can I make at their expense?).

Catch up to ride the best ride in the Kingdom…Peoplemover. Oh no…NOOOOOOOOO!!!! It’s not working??!!! Grayson calm down. He was half way to guest services for a refund, I had to calm him down with some blue lemonade and the promise of a ride on Space Mountain.

I am genuinely devastated though…people mover is the G.O.A.T attraction here, and Gray loves all the behind the scenes looks at the attractions. Sorry bud…

Quick refuel at Joffreys; Frozen Mission to S’mores…bloody marvellous. Though I will say…the expectation of a $3 tip for typing my order into a till is a bit mad. Tipping…the world’s most successful attempt at gaslighting. Anywho…Alaska; get involved in the Disney Rave babes. Some banging tunes around Tomorrowland today (is that a juxtaposition?).

Where was I? Ahhh…Space Mountain. Yay…and Alaska can even ride; wait…no, no she can’t. Bugger…sorry little Loo (though Jo was pretty elated not to have to fly to space straight after she’d attended a mission to S’mores; is that a new planet or something?). Only a 10 minute wait; excellent!!! Oh another solid attempt at gaslighting here Disney; think you missed out a ‘0’. This throws Grayson into turmoil, and had him praying for a swift end just to end the suffering of a slightly longer wait time without a phone to play on.

Spend the whole time ducking to make sure I don’t leave my head floating in space (genuinely the most terrifying rollercoaster I’ll ride), and exit to Jordan and Alaska holding up the Tomorrowland dance floor, dropping some sick moves. Jo…pssst…it’s for kids.

Pirates? Jo…you can make your joke now. “So apparently in the Bahamas, a pie costs…”. No I changed my mind…you can’t. Damm this ride just hyped you up to pillage and loot the gift shop mind…the kids were ransacking everything, blaming the influence of poor old scapegoat of the Pirates; “Jack Sparl” (it’s Jack Sparrow Grayson…).

Quick…the parade is starting soon, we don’t want to miss out on a good spot. Guess we should have thought about that about a hour or three ago. Cinderella castle is a minefield of bodies, littered like a weekend at Reading Festival. Hungover teens and broken tents…it’s the Starlight: Dream the Night Away Parade!!!

Park up somewhere on the dregs of Frontierland, kid manage to wiggle a front line spot, chicken and waffles for tea…not too bad for turning up late I guess. The parade starts…lights, magic…DISNEY!!! Absolutely fantastic parade (not quite Boo To You, but pretty close), and the kids beaming with excitement and joy quickly makes selling a kidney to get here worth it. It’s all about the memories, and I have a ton of fantastic ones (mixed in with all the tantrums and fights…let’s not forget those; we spent the day doing a 2024 tantrum tour of the kingdom).

Quick…let’s at least get a half decent viewing spot for ‘Happily Ever After’…

Back at the hub, the rowdy teens have been moved along and the tents cleaned up, making space for the rabble. The lights dim, the music start, the tears flow…bloody man up Dean!!! I mean, inside I was crying, but you know…far too manly to externalise it. Ahhh right in the magic; beaming smiles and giggles from Alaska, and the constant onslaught of Disney character trivia from Grayson. I bloody love moments like this (mainly because they aren’t fighting for half hour or so). Right…dry your tears, kids commence fighting; oh…you already have? Great…ok let’s go…

Leaving the Magic Kingdom; more a task than an Iron Man event (maybe I should get a tattoo…that’s what they all do right?). Time to channel my inner Indiana Jones as Jordan makes short work of mowing multitudes of people down like a game of death race…how many points you got love? Stop bloody running me down too; I should really tell her I have no life insurance. Good bit of fun watching the ECV’s doing the Magic Kingdom circuit of Mario Cart…just don’t bloody run me over too!!!

Only the HUUIUUUUGGGGEEE Monorail line to contend with…madness?? No; THIS…IS…DISNEY!!!!

Fortunately made good time just the task of navigating the parking lot and getting back to bed ready for the last full day tomorrow.

Hollywood Studios…finish the trip on a high note.