Riding to Happiness: Euro Road Trip Day 1: Plopsaland De Panne

It’s been a wild 24 hours…6 countries, 1 theme park, 1 insanely immersive hotel and 4 hours sleep; AND ITS ONLY DAY 1!!! It’s been a great day, had so much fun despite travelling more than Phileas Fog; at least he had 80 days…

Shall we get to it then? Let’s do day 1! We’re off to Plopsaland!!!

Sleep is for the weak right kids? “Yeah Dad, only bitches need more than 4 hours sleep on a multi country travel day”…cheers Alaska; can’t help but disagree, but I do like a challenge. Well…she didn’t quite say that, but it was implied; especially since I wasn’t allowed the sweet embrace of rest. Seriously; the kids have been so excited that they took it upon themselves to use the Folkestone Premier Inn as a trampoline park into the early hours of the morning and feast on a supper of each others feet (yep I know…imagine living with them).

So yeah…I’m knackered, but still the first up…

Up and at them crew; we have a busy day ahead!!

To be fair; up, dressed and out the door in about 10 minutes (where was this enthusiasm yesterday?)…we all looked like we had just walked away from an audition for Michael Jackson’s Thriller, but we were out and on the way to the tunnel.

Managed to catch an earlier train as reward for our zombification…the tunnel staff must have been terrified the apocalypse had began and were more than happy to send us on our way. Don’t look at the passports; we’re not in a fit state this morning.

Despite the confusing layout, made even more challenging through my tired eyes, we make it on to the train and get ready for launch. ALL ABOARD!!! Thomas the tank’s younger cousin ‘Frank’ welcomes us aboard, cracks a few jokes at his cousins expense (something about him being a substandard bitch tank engine, destined to spend his life at Drayton Manor or something), and then gets on with it. VIVE LA FRANCE!!!…bloody hell Dean, how delirious are you??

The mile long toilet hunt ensues aboard Frank (now going by Francois as we cross the midway point), as I partake in a Crystal Maze style challenge to reach to toilet and make it back in time to disembark. It was touch and go, but I made it back with the 2 seconds to go…WILL YOU START THE FANS PLEASE!!!

30 minutes later, we arrive in Calais, bid Francois farewell, and head out in the search for breakfast…ooo, Maccas sounds good. Apparently not good enough though. Complete McFailure; not open until 10am (it’s barely 8:30)…raging at his loss of some cardboard pancakes and a luke warm hash brown, Gray breaks into a tantrum fit for Alaska at the disbelief that McDonalds have the audacity to ruin his breakfast. Luckily I know good old Ron McDons I guess…oh wait, no, no I don’t Gray; I can literally do bugger all about this conundrum. Aldis bakery will have to suffice I guess; sorry Gray.

Full of a mixture of disappointment and Aldi pastries (strike 1 France), we get a wiggle on and head to today’s destination…PLOPSALAND DE PANNE (don’t laugh at the name you childish buggers!!).

Only a short distance from Calais, but tell you what; time don’t half fly when you’re listening to your wife butcher place names…”what the hell is this? Dunkerook?!?”. It’s Dunkirk love; honestly, all the history of that place, and Jordan still managed to massacre it more.

Thank goodness, we’re almost here. Oh great, half of Belgium has turned out to Plopsaland today too…this should be fun. Or so the traffic would have us believe anyways. 30 minutes of standstill traffic later and we’re finally here!!! Only got in to one argument too…Go Team Fletch!!

Holy hell…this place is incredible!! The entrance is phenomenally themed, and the party vibes are fantastic. Greeted by some dancing characters with a meet and greet either side as we made our way in. No idea who the characters are, but Alaska needed a pic with some random creepy mice…why not I guess?

Crazy place…in a really good way. So difficult to describe how insanely cool this place is from the off. Themed around some sort of kids show (I think), with quirky characters and a really great party atmosphere. We make our way through the huge archway entrance to the main hub. Themed like an Italian town, with coffee shops, restaurants, fountains and a theatre…just amazing.

And then…we had to find our way around; this was where it started to divert into some disarray. My toxic trait? Assuming I know where everything is based off half a vlog I fast forwarded through. Don’t worry guys; I got this!! This…was a lie. I don’t got this, not one bit. It’s fun to explore without a clue though right? RIGHT?

Well…made a wrong turn, and headed into ‘La Floret de Plop’…the hell is this? And why is it not The Ride to Happiness??. Game plan ruined, we’re locked in. So yeah…found out this was some weird creepy water dark ride based around some gnome looking blokes that juggle, throw knives and stuff in a magical Forrest; or that’s the assumption I made based on the queue video. Whatever the hell it was, we didn’t get to see it. After an hour in the line, with at least another hour to go, we called it quits and cut our losses…guess I’ll never find out what the hell the ride was really about.

Right, back on track. The hour long queue wasn’t a complete waste…I’d finally relinquished man points and consulted an actual map…Time to ride happiness!!! Grayson still falling short, and Alaska nowhere near; bad times kids…guess it’s just us.

This ride looks incredible…the crown jewel of the park, and getting a reputation for one of the best coasters in the world. Honestly, we were in awe. The tangled web of track towering over the entrance, and the trademark inversion straight out of the loading platform…GET ME ON IT!!!

Waited all of 10 minutes…10 MINUTES!!! This is madness…the creepy dark ride was almost 2 hours, but this was 10 bloody minutes; what’s around with people? Loading platform was a bit of a free for all (turned out to be the theme of the day really), but that made child swap a lot easier…on, off, switch…done!!

Well worth the hype…absolutely insane coaster…literally the only reason we’re here and so worth it…definitely rode to happiness there.

Next up, we navigated to Heidi the Ride. A great wooden coaster themed around a weird kids show (yeah I know…theme of the park). Grayson was allowed on this one…yay go Grayson. Just don’t mess with your sister; punched his tooth out to rousing applause from a group of school kids. She was so proud…Grayson? Well, he’s waiting to cash in from the tooth fairy; guess he’s the real winner. Alaska please stop punching his teeth out, I can’t afford it anymore.

Oh yeah…just to note: Plopsaland are not too strict on proper ride loading etiquette…what the are strict on though; footwear!!

The Great 2025 Plopsaland shoe swap ensued as Jordan is ousted from the ride for daring to wear sandals…booo/hiss; Croc blocked!! Backless shoes are a no, no…so what’s a yes, yes? Jordan wearing a pair of shoes 5 sizes too big for her…sure they won’t fly off and dap slap anyone ey? Just take my shoes Jo…MADNESS? THIS…IS…PLOPSA!!!

Still in disbelief, we were getting a bit hungry (missed a maccas breakfast after all). Big sausage time…2 Bratwurst please and 3 of your finest children’s slushies…wait…3? FFS Jordan…

Pretty damned delicious despite spending a good chunk of time fighting off a wasp…had to appease him with a swig of Coca Cola…thank god I had the full sugar version.

Right…quick, we have a parade to catch. It’s the 25th anniversary of Plopsaland, and they are chucking on a parade…apparently.

After getting lost and wandering in circles, and getting nowhere. We finally managed to make it to the main entrance following an SOS and plane rescue…I really should start consulting a map; NAH!!!

Bit of time before parade kicks off… let’s play a game of ‘Million Dollar Merch’. Christ on a bike, I only wanted a Ride to Happiness hoody…don’t expect to have to remortgage to afford it. €95!!! Apparently this kids TV show is for the upper class judging by the cost of things…we’ll take the 3 for 2 cuddly toys and magnet please…€50? Umm…bargain 🤷

Ok so where the hell is the parade then? Surely it’s going past the main entrance? Isn’t it? ISNT IT??…time to consult the map I guess. Nope; parade starts somewhere complete different. Made a bee line (that’s a pun…but you need to bee in the know with the characters to get it) only to find no trace of a parade. What the hell is going on?!! Is this some elaborate ruse to teach me a lesson about preplanning and map knowledge?? Fuming; just give me a celebratory 25 year anniversary beer instead then…

Disappointed, we next visited the genuine fake Isle of Berk, complete with Viking’s and water cannon ride shockingly similar to that of Universals Epic Universe…hmmm. Great little area though, but I don’t fancy walking around like I’d pissed myself for the next few hours.

Hit up the Teacups next for a bit more extreme g forces…and poor Alaskas first ride of the day. I don’t mean to brag, but the ride attendant said they’d never seen a teacup spin so violently; don’t have the heart to tell them it was all Alaska.

Jo and Alaska then disappear to do something (I literally have no idea what they did…I don’t think I listened when they told me), while me and Gray head to Anubis. Set in a house full of antiques and taxidermy…strange theming, but very reminiscent of home. “Wait…Dad does this go upside down?”…yeah kid, that’s why they are strapping us in for dear life…”DAD, HOLD ME….HOLD ME!!!”. Poor Grayson was shitting himself…of course Gray; these guns will keep you safe 😂

A little more brain damaged than we ordinary won’t leaving after a ride, it was almost time to leave….Time to catch up, pack up and make our way out. Only a 4 hour journey to our next destination…

Rest of the day consisted of driving, Starbucks, and Maccas. BTW…Netherlands maccas is awesome…McShaker fries are badass, and they have peach milkshakes and actual happy meal toys. Lesson learned though…not everything in the Netherlands contains weed, and the staff get offended if you ask for the ‘special seasoning’ on the fries. Bad times.

Finally managed to make it to our destination….our home for the next few days. Hotel Matamba at Phantasialand. Absolutely blown away by the theming of this hotel. Everything looks amazing, and our room is absolutely huge…and the best part? The kids have their own room!! Cannot wait to explore tomorrow.

Up bright and early…breakfast at 7:15 (way too early for a Maccas sorry Gray). Looking forward to day 2!!