Shrooms and Secret Rooms

When Jordan’s away; Dean and the kids will play…you know, that common rhyme? Well, Jordan is off to a Poodle Seminar (I know I know…sounds like hell right?), so me and the kids had to do something to make her extra jealous. Ever a man of my word, I decided to back track on my promise of Legoland for today (ssshhhh, Grayson still hasn’t realised); mainly as a result of being half dead from work, paired with a subtle hint of not wanting to spend the last day of the Easter half term queuing an hour and a half to frantically chop the air whilst earning 0 points on the shit ole Ninjago ride. Oh yeah, and it’s Marathon weekend, so London will be rammed more than the mouth of a fat kid on Easter Sunday.

Right; where was I? 🤔 Lying to my children, making fun of fat kids (it’s ok, I was that fat kid)…oh yeah; our trip. Right, so I’d been seeing videos of this weirdly amazing looking place for months, and was determined to one day visit. The place?…’Wake The Tiger’ in Bristol.

So; context…this place looks cool, but I literally have no idea what it is. The online blurb sells it as an immersive art experience, and the world’s first ‘amazement park’; whatever the fuck that means. All I know is that the videos look straight out of a psychedelic mushroom induced fever dream, and I’m all for it…minus the actual drugs; I’m far too much of a paranoid mess for all that malarkey. So yeah, tickets booked (selected the Shroomless package for this trip; the kids couldn’t handle a heavy hit of 70’s nostalgia either)…let’s do this!!!

The alarm snooze button gets battered more than a Mars bar in Scotland (as you can probably guess; and this should be no surprise by now…I’m tired), but I finally manage to drag myself out of bed, give the animals a quick bite to eat and chuck the walking dead in the van, ready to head to todays destination.

Eventful journey…got fleeced for a few cake pops at good old starbuckaroos; you’d think they’d start giving me freebies the frequency they get mentioned in these blogs. No kids, I don’t want to play the guess the Disney song, can’t be bothered with it this morning, I’m relying on the cats eyes to keep me in line and can’t afford any more distraction. “Is it Ariel?”…I’m not playing guys…”IS IT ARIEL??!!”; No Alaska, it’s The Amity Affliction…just a little bit different; though I bet they’d do a boss ‘Part of your world’ cover.

Not getting the hint, the kids fulfil the rest of the journey by talking more complete bollocks. Highlights included Gray talking shit about Dandy’s World, Whips and Tangle. I know; I have no idea either, but suspect I need to add child restriction settings to my YouTube account.

Ok and we are here…I think. Well the sign says ‘Wake The Tiger’, and the sunken car filled with Fungi is a pretty strong hint that we’ve made it to the right place. For those unfamiliar with Bristols random family day out/art scene. This place is set in an abandoned paint factory, set up as a housing development where a Fungus opens portals to the Outerworld via the Dream Factory. Sounds a bit mental right? I can tell you; it certainly was…oh, and did I mention; even after reading reviews and watching some online videos…I still had no bloody idea what to expect. In honesty, it all felt sketchy on a level akin to some Hillbilly Horror films; thank god I brought Alaska…she’d put the fear right back in to LeatherFace.

Come on then kids…past the sunken car, and on to the freaky development room. Oh nice, an angry Janitor, furious at the whole building works playing fuck and releasing portal shrooms. Anyone else feeling like this place is built by, for and run by the Woodstock crowd? Ah screw it, let’s go!!

Through the fungi encrusted door and into another world…Groovy baby!! Austin Powers suddenly appears, equipped with Union Jack pants and Swedish Made Penis Enlarger Pump; “it’s totally my bag baby, welcome to Shroomsville…population; YOU!”. Cheers Austin…kids; it’s going to get weird.

Holy shit…this place is bloody incredible. Straight away we make our way through a bioluminescent room filled with Fungi that would give Jordan HHN 2022 PTSD, and leave her a shaking mess after room 1. Now, whilst Grayson was shivering in fear (well it’s either fear or withdrawal from the mushroom induced psychedelic mind fuck this place was inducing), long time readers will remember poor Jordan’s torment at HHN Orlando 2022 when she completed a few of the houses wheelchair bound; this place was almost identical. Thank goodness we didn’t bring her today, would have completely ruined my day ferrying a shaking mess around the place. It was bad enough with Grayson.

To be fair, initial thoughts were throwing all sorts of ‘The Last of Us’ vibes, with less crazed Fungal Zombies; in this universe the mushrooms are good…I think; I still have no idea what was going on.

What I do know though…they had managed to build elaborate sets and amazing scenes in a bloody warehouse…in Bristol. Madness…though to be fair, the dystopian scenes weren’t too far removed from the industrial estate this place was built upon…but that’s just Bristol I guess.

Seriously, this place was insane…immediately you enter what looks like a street, with storefronts, amazing sets and a tannoy announcement to help guide you into the ‘Dream Factory’. It’s elaborate, it’s picturesque, it’s amazing…but all the kids wanted to do was see what was next. Wasted on them mun.

Turns out this place is a bit of a ‘make your own adventure’ loosely following a storyline based upon this society that is harnessing the Mushrooms powers and opening portals…well, I think; all together now…I still don’t really have any idea what was going on. Seriously though, there are loads of interactive elements, and message boards to help guide the story line; but realistically, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Something the kids spared no time at all in doing…he won’t stay in the car at the petrol station without breaking down in fits of tears and anxiety if you move just out of sight, but give him a massive maze filled warehouse of secret caves, rooms and labyrinths, and Grayson will be gone faster than cake in an NHS break room.

These rooms were awesome; basically…try any door and enter a new exciting environment. Fireplace? Nope…door; Cupboard? Nope…door; Bookcase? Nope…door to a secret library, which by the way…creepy as fuck; especially if you are the only ones in there as it’s completely soundproof and majorly creepy. Oh yeah, and made just a little worse when Grayson randomly decides to point at the corner of the room “there’s something sleeping there”. Yeah fuck that, every man for himself!! Legged it out of there as I hear the screams from Grayson being torn limb from limb by the random secret library book monster…or would have if the bugger wasn’t winding me up. Cheers for that Gray.

After an hour or so, we’d pretty much had the run of things and were lost wandering in the labyrinth; including the creepy furby bedroom where everything was upside down, complete with 6ft furby headed man stood sleeping in the corner of the room. Are we at horror nights or something? Why is Grayson not shitting himself? WHAT IS THIS FEVER DREAM??!

“Secret room party”…Grayson’s new hit song for summer 2025. Yep, we were back in the creepy secret library accompanied by a handful of over people I’d gathered ready to slay the Furby in a ‘Beauty and the Beast’ style kill the beast finale number. Oh wait…I’ve seen how this movie ends, on second thoughts, let’s just vacate the room and move on.

The kids had cottoned on that there were actual puzzles and games to play aside from just legging it around the place like they were trying to escape the a Crystal Maze game after failing to secure a crystal in the last few seconds. Why did I think of that? Oh yeah…there’s a room solely containing a mirrored decahedron that looks like the Crystal Maze final boss; I stood there for a good half hour waiting for foil to come flying around the room…bad times. WILL YOU START THE FANS PLEASE!!!…nope? Ah fuck it let’s move on.

Grayson has began working out some of the clues and making the interactive stuff actually work and do stuff…oh cool, more random rooms as a reward, nice one. Bottling a thunderstorm? Completed it mate…”ha, I’ve just done it for you!”. No need to be a dickhead Gray, everyone is here to have fun; don’t suppose getting mugged off by a 7 year old was on their ‘to-do’ list for the day. Jerk.

Made our way through a random indoor campsite, complete with campfire; how did this pass fire regs? Ah screw it…Grayson work your magic and open the next portal. Onto the subway…”Dad, this moves every 10 minutes”. Cheers for that bullshit Alaska, but as you may plainly see…we just walked through it. More insane set design and a trip through a vending machine later and we were traversing stairs to a guy with a TV for a head and onto a plane; seriously…WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??!!. Alaska…don’t bloody fasten your seatbelt; “are we going to Florida?”…umm yeah every 10 minutes like the subways babes. Unbuckle your belt, get the VR headset off and let’s power through the next room.

Geometric shapes and trippy lights…this time with warning signs; ‘this room may be too intense, especially if you’ve eaten fistfuls of the complimentary magic mushrooms’. Strange sign…not seen anything of the sort; perhaps set aside for the adult nights they run here.

The final few rooms were some of the best…bright colours, toys, slides and a giant interactive face in the middle of the room. No idea what this represented, but ring a doorbell and a giant eye would appear and freak everyone out. I guess it’s bit avant-garde, and far beyond me, but I bloody loved it nonetheless. The kids were just happy to ride the slides and secret tunnels.

Ah that was that…a quick robbery in the cafe to end the day…£21 for 3 cakes and 3 drinks; this art is really for the upper class. Oh, and what’s a day out without a classic Alaska tantrum ey? How dare I buy her the exact thing she asked for, and not chase it down with a handful of sweets at her demand? Chill Alaska, just help yourself to the mushrooms at the reception desk.

Ahhh, an hour long tantrum and a quick trip to Costco on the way home…why not init?

Had an awesome day…such an incredible place to visit.

Disappointingly though…no Tigers; false advertising at its peak.